Lucifer
by angelcloudy
Summary: A song Lucifer-SHINee  fiction for PeetaXKatniss couple. Post Mockingjay. Pre-Epilogue. Peeta's POV. Katniss cuts any relation to the outside world and Peeta has to suffer from it.


**angelcloudy: i hope this doesn't turn out awful to your taste. and if so, in my defense, i don't know what came into me when i was writing this. please read and review.**

**LUCIFER**

**a songfic [LUCIFER-SHINee] for Peeta-Katniss couple of Hunger Games**

"_Even if I try to avoid you I can't find a place to hide;_

_I'm trapped by you, who I can't even deny."_

Ever since people started settling in District 12 again, I've been avoiding Katniss. Or, at least I'm trying to. She's fragile, to say the least. That's the main reason. It's as if she'd break upon a mere touch. Her actions, which I observe from a safe distance, tell me that I shouldn't show my face to her. I see her attempting to go out to her yard where the primrose bushes grow but every time she'll take a glance at them, she'll run back inside. And once, Haymitch rang her doorbell, but do you know what happened? She opened the door and after shouting she doesn't want to see a face from the Games, slammed it right at our mentor's face. That scene, imprinted in my mind, is enough for me to stay adamant with my decision.

A decision that says I'll endure being trapped by her discomforts – watching her is enough as not to intensify any of her negative emotions. Probably she doesn't want me nosing around her business and that she'll hate me if ever I storm in her life. Or probably because she wants me safe from her hurting words once I get too close, because she cares for me and loves me. Am I raising my hopes too high?

"_If it was love, if you really loved me, don't do this to me."

* * *

_

"_If you tie me down and trap me_

_Then the love is also tied down_

_The future is also tied down_

_It can't grow anymore."_

Yes, she's practically tying me down and every time I think so, I feel like my love for her is fading away. She casts me out of her life and I'm losing hope of us having a future. She's suppressing me, although she's not aware. I can't blame her though, the Games is tragic enough. Put in her being the Mockingjay, the situation becomes a lot worse. I know Katniss is strong but I see her breaking down little by little yet she manages to tie both my love and our future down.

* * *

"_Your undeniable spell is the Lucifer_

_Your undeniable magic is the Lucifer_

_When I approach you_

_With your angelic face_

_Say the reason you live is for me_

_Say it."_

To hell with what or who Lucifer is. All I know is that it has fallen from the heavens, an angel. Just like my Katniss. No, just like Katniss. Certainly not _my _Katniss, but Katniss. The thing I don't know about is why Fate granted her such fortune… From what I saw in her before the reaping, she was contended. Well, despite the fear of being reaped. But she _was_ happy – with Mrs. Everdeen, with Prim, with Gale, with the people she consider family. But the Games ruined it all. I don't care if I wouldn't be able to be close to her if ever I could go back into time and remove her entries and her sister's entries in the Capitol's stupid reaping.

In her state now though, I don't know what to do. What she does simply say "Back off!" and it works like a spell on me. Her iron grip on me – a magic I don't know where she gained from. But her angelic face, I can't forget. All I am now is a tied down lover whose feelings are unfortunately not reciprocated. And of course, it'd be too hopeful of me to think she's living for the sake of me.

* * *

"_When I first saw you, I stopped for a short time_

_As if someone was tightly seizing my heart, not letting it go (Still)_

_You took all of my heart just like that_

_You make my heart burn out when you're not here."_

That time I handed Katniss that bread, indeed, she seized my heart. Initially not with the feelings of the heart but only pity. But after that, I constantly turn my attention to her at school. And I started liking her. Liking her as in liking her. I get protective although I know she's more courageous than me. I get jealous when I see her with Gale when they trade for bread in our bakery. And my heart grieved when her sister's name was called by Effie. It grieved more when she volunteered. And that's how she took all of my heart. It burned for a moment when I entertained the thought of her dying in the Games but it leaped the time I was named the male tribute of 12. At least I could protect her there – if she ever needed it. Leaving the Games, I knew we needed each other. She doesn't admit but I know. But the tension between us now isn't permitting me to insist it on her – the main reason why my heart is burning.

* * *

"_The love stories I shared with you_

_You look towards the same places I do_

_When we feel that we can't get any more perfect_

_Only stare at me, you want me more_

_Only look at me, you're the center of everything."_

I'm fully aware. That those love stories I shared with Katniss are just acts. Pretense. Fake. All for the audience to love us. When the Gamemakers announced tributes of the same district could collaborate, my reasoning actually flew out the window. I wanted to find her and tried standing up with the ugly wound in my leg. My body failed me and for that, she was the one who found me. We had the same goal after that. To survive the Capitol's bloodlust. And to get to that goal, we had to do stuff sponsors would pity us for, would make them fall in love with our 'love'. The best way was to be the perfect couple but I saw it in what was happening to us that destiny wasn't on our side. We HAD to be the perfect couple. The type where the woman gives wanting stares, where the man announces her significant other was the center of everything.

* * *

"_Since before, something has been wrong, you've been weird_

_The love I knew left my side, one by one_

_All I have is you."_

After everything that happened involving 13, Katniss changed. I'm not blaming her, nonetheless. Fate simply is too harsh. It's the same for me – I changed because of what the Capitol had done: my own mind mingled with, my family burned to ashes. The Capitol left me with nothing except Katniss. But then she's not the Katniss I know, she gives me the cold shoulder. Ah, that's wrong, she doesn't give me a cold shoulder. She only gives me nothing. But still, all I have is her.

* * *

"_I feel like I've become a clown trapped in a glass castle_

_I dance for you, who will never be satisfied_

_You look into me openly, touching my brain_

_I think I've become a fool_

_I think I'm only getting more and more attracted to you."_

As I've told earlier, I'm trapped by her discomforts. I keep it to myself whatever I want to rant on about in front of her and other people but when would she be able to come out of her own world. I've reached her once but right after, I can't access her again. When will she be satisfied with lonesomeness? I want to break that icy wall around herself but I can't and all it has done to me is to make me a fool. A fool shaped of those desperate plans which weren't executed at all. What has it done me good, fortunately, is to make me fall for her more. To make me decide she still needs protection, my protection, even though I'm not the perfect candidate. I have to wait, still. Until she allows me into her space.

* * *

"_It's not that I hate you or that I dislike you_

_It's just that kind of stare is a burden is all_

_I'm not going anywhere_

_I've waited like this by only looking at you."_

Really, I don't despise Katniss for not returning my feelings, for keeping me out of her life now. I'm worrying about her that's all. Sometimes, I'll pass by her house and she'd not see me though I'm in front of her eyes. She had that stare to somewhere far. I'm worrying about her because she screams in the middle of the night and I can hear her cries clearly despite our houses being a few doors apart. I always hope I could come to her side and lull her back to sleep like the times in the train. I can't, obviously. She has her own sad world, after all. However, I'm still expecting her to notice me and I'm willing to wait. I will not fall in love with another girl. I'm not going anywhere. I will wait for Katniss and I will only let go if she marries another man.

* * *

"_Your stare captures me_

_As the days went by, it became sharper_

_I'm tired of your obsession_

_I've been cut a lot, my heart is bleeding_

_When it's about time for me to pass out_

_She comes to me like an angel, saying 'I LOVE YOU'_

_Even though I knew it was really you_

_You really confused me."_

I try passing her always open kitchen window and she sees me but only stares at me. I asked Haymitch about it and he told me it happens to him too. Every time I'd pass, she does that but as I frequented the deed, morning and afternoon, her stare becomes sharper. Is it recognition? Followed by agitation? Just the thought of it makes me feel awful, like I'm the worst. I almost give up. But one day, after I went to the square to share some bread and pastries, she wasn't looking from her kitchen window. She was at least doing something inside – it had always been Greasy Sae that cooked for her. And oddly, now she cooked for herself. I could smell the food and then she looked at my direction, and smiled. It was really the Katniss I know, the smile confirmed it. She walked over to the sill and handed a small pan with finely chopped mixed vegetables, arranged in letters. P-E-E-T-A. I gave her a questioning look and she said something I didn't expect all too suddenly. "I LOVE YOU."

I was confused. Is she playing with me?

* * *

"_I feel like I've become a clown trapped in a glass castle_

_Leave me alone, when I'm free, I'll be able to truly love you_

_Leave me alone, don't make me sick of you_

_So I can truly look at you."_

"You're not fooling around?" I heard myself ask. Stupid move, yes. But she nodded with a smile.

She freed me from her own discomforts. She had opened her heart to me. Finally. She left me alone, in a good way. Now her problems are not suffocating me. I can love her freely, confront problems with her. There are things that needed fixing – we'll fix it together. With hope and faith. But with love, most probably. A real love this time around.

* * *

**angelcloudy: well, that's it, review please? constructive criticisms are greatly accepted.**


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